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International Lesbian Day: How Women's Football Shaped My Coming Out Journey
Today is International Lesbian Day! So to all my fellow lesbians out there, I truly hope you have a brilliant day celebrating queer love.
For me, my journey with women’s football is inextricably tied to my journey with my identity. I spent a lot of my early years disconnected from the sport. While I enjoyed playing, even if I was never any good, I viewed the football fandom as a breeding ground for male aggression, a culture I always wanted to keep my distance from.
Back in university, my friend (and now fellow Girlactico Girl) Sophie was watching the Arsenal V Chelsea match on her phone while we were on the bus. It was December 10th, 2023. When she handed me one of her AirPods so I could follow along, I found myself instantly hooked. Still, knowing my history of jumping from one fleeting hobby to the next, I agreed to go to a game at Meadow Park in Borehamwood with a casual "sure, maybe I’ll enjoy this for a bit."
When we arrived at the stadium, I looked around and saw so many girls who looked like me. I saw young women on dates and with their girlfriends, embracing against the chill of a winter’s fleeting sun. They were raucous and ridiculous, singing and yelling, channeling a safe, shared aggression toward poor ref calls and radiating an overwhelming sense of joy.
Not only did I see myself reflected in the stands, but I found pieces of myself on the pitch too. Successful women were dominating a historically male-centric sport, some who loved other women on the grass, some with wives at home, alongside supportive allies. But no matter who they were, an undeniable current of queer love filled Meadow Park, and I don’t think I’ve missed a game since.
I had only come out a month or so prior, and "lesbian" was still a somewhat sour word on my tongue, a bruising experience I think a lot of us share. But sitting in the stands, I heard people use it for probably the first time, casually. It was just a fact and undeniably positive and it made my shame somewhat deflate on the spot. I didn't need to hide behind safer umbrella terms anymore, wrestling with a label I wanted to use but kept choking on. Women's football had a way of wearing down that awkwardness and saying I was a lesbian began to feel normal.
I know I'm not the only one. I’ve met too many people through this space, both in the stands and now that I actually work in the industry, not to know it's a shared experience. Queerness and lesbian visibility specifically, is a backbone of the viewership, largely because in-person community is hard to come by. When nightclubs are still the default place to find each other, having a daytime, outdoor space where I can hold a girlfriend's hand with zero hesitation is a rare kind of privilege.
It’s my club too. Between the Gay Gooners, Arsenal’s pride float drifting down Piccadilly and everything else, I’m a proud lesbian and a proud Gunner. With season tickets just a few rows behind the bench at the Emirates, I sit next to my girlfriend Harriet, my mate Sophie, and our friends Gracie and Steph, who have been together seven years, sharing an overwhelming joy for our identities and our club.
I used to think my dad was ridiculous for tattooing a new star on his shoulder every time Liverpool won the Champions League. But now, looking down at my left arm where "North London" is inked in red just above my elbow, I get it. So maybe getting that tattooed on me was just part of the coming-out process all along.
tattoo by @graciedogood tattoo by @graciedogood
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